Helping a Friend

Otters are known for lifting each other up, but it’s not always easy to know what to say when someone tells you they’ve been sexually assaulted. 

RAINN.org suggests several ways to show support to someone who has chosen to confide in you:

• Listen
• Be there
• Be patient
• Communicate without judgement
• Encourage them to report incidents of violence to the police or campus authorities

Here are a few other resources that offer tips and advice on supporting friends and loved ones: 

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline - Support Others
• OneLove: How to Help a Friend Who May Be in an Abusive Relationship
• OneLove: How to Help a Friend Who May Be Abusing Their Partner

Support for the LGBTQ Community

People in the LGBTQ community, or anyone who experiences a same-sex assault, can face unique obstacles when seeking help, including: 

• Having to "out" themselves or their assailant
• Being asked to explain the assault in detail
• Fear of having the assault downplayed or viewed as not a "real" assault
• Fear of being blamed for the assault or perceived as "deserving" it
• Fear of being mistakenly perceived as the assailant
• Worries about perpetuating negative stereotypes of the LGBTQ community
• Fear of creating a rift in a local LGBTQ community if people "take sides”
• Concerns about homophobia from legal and medical personnel
• Fear of questions about one's sexual identity

The way a survivor’s first confidant responds to their assault may influence whether they choose to tell others or seek support. RAINN has a few different ways of showing support to a member of the LGBTQ community who has chosen to confide in you:

• Listen
• Validate their feelings
• Express concern
• Use inclusive language that affirms the survivor’s gender identity and sexual orientation
• Do not ask about details of the assault

Here are some additional resources to help you support your friend or loved one: 

• Gender-Affirming Verbal Communication
• National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs 
• The Trevor Project
• LGBT National Hotline
• FORGE (trans/non-binary survivors)
• GLSEN (pronounced “glisten”)